Composed between 2002 and 2013 and lost in a drunken stupor, THE BASTARDIZER manuscript was rediscovered in 2022 and bought immediately by Cripplegate Books of London.

This action-packed and super-funty novel of ultra-violence and copyright violation was written by Simon Strong and has funty pictures by Sönke Rickertsen, an introduction by Stewart Home, an extensive index and a comprehension test.

“a crazy and exciting read.” — Edward S. Robinson, Aural Aggravation blog.

“[…] Martinez takes virtually every piece of avant-garde and pornographic trash you ever wanted to read, edits it down to a bite-sized chunk and re-uses it. Genius.
On the face of it mocking a load of famous literary works is a juvenile thing to do – but as burlesque it works a treat! The Bastardizer is essential reading.”
— Stewart Home, Art Whore blog. Read the full review

“Blimey Guv! This mad paperback from Cripplegate Books authored by highly unreliable narrator supreme Chus Martinez who this time out spends most of his 140 pages confusing himself with the title character of The Bastardizer Polishes a Turd, has produced a blinding read that ain’t half funny.
Reading this is like setting fire to your mind and then jumping on it from a great height. Massively edumacational too as it notes an incredible number of historical music copyright infringements.”
— Michael Helms, Fatal Visions.

“At last comes a timely critique of the kopyright culture wars fast becoming a distant memory. Martinez is a bright emerging talent who bravely treads where others decline to go. The Bastardizer Polishes A Turd is destined to one day become a classic reference on this slippy subject.”
— Dr. Gonzo, Polyester Books.

“My favourite bit was when the orphanage exploded. That was funny…”
— Dr Stefan Schutt, PhD, author of Advertising and public memory.

Who Bastards The Bastardizer? T-shirt & badge

Frequently bought together

Being Bastardized: Live in Sheffield – CD

No Sleep ’til Bastardizersmith – CD

The Bastardizer Polishes a Turd – 2CD audiobook

The Bastardizer Polishes a Turd – Paperback

The Bastardizer’s Beautiful Record – LP / CD